Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device!
by Anon Fishy-chan
Summary: One boring summer saturday, Mikan accidentally turns on an odd invention of Hotaru's called The Plot Device. The Plot Device emits Horrible Fanfic rays, which cause characters to act like they're in badly written fanfics! What will Hotaru and Mikan do?
1. Pushing The Button

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice! It belongs to Tachibana Higuchi! Please don't sue me... or turn me into a Mary-Sue! Oh, and I don't own Phineas and Ferb (that show is owned by Disney).

Don't Press The Button on The Plot Device!

Chapter 1- Pushing the Button

It was a quiet saturday in the beginning of summer at Gakuen Alice. Which of course was undoubtedly boring, especially if you were an energetic young girl named Mikan Sakura, which by the way, if translated into english, would mean Mandarin Orange Cherry Blossom.

Mikan Sakura was incredibly bored, so she decided to go bug her friend Hotaru. Hotaru was working on an invention.

"What'cha doin?" Mikan asked in an annoyingly irritating tone.

Hotaru ignored Mikan and continued working on her invention.

Suddenly, a random singing voice came out of nowhere.

"Mikan and Hotaru are gonna do it all! 'Cause Mikan and Hotaru are gonna DO IT ALLLLLLLL!"

"Hey, Hotaru-chan," asked Mikan (again, because she loved to ask irritating questions), "Where's Pengy?"

* * *

Pengy was wearing a fedora hat. He headed to an evil lair with a large sign on top that said "Personaschmirtz Evil Incorporated".

The random narrator voice sun "Personaschmirtz Evil In-corp-o-ra-ted!"

Pengy continued into the building.

"Ah, Pengy the Penguin Robot," cackled (Dr.) Persona(schmirtz) with an oddly German-souding accent, "How nice it is to see you. I was expecting you to arrive just... about... NOW! MWA HA HA HA!"

* * *

"Mikan-chan! You baka!" Hotaru shouted "Don't you remember? Pengy fell of a cliff AND DIED! More than six months ago!"

"Riiiiiiight," mumbled Mikan "But don't remind me, Hotaru-chan!" Mikan's eyes started watering up.

* * *

"Shoot!" shouted Pengy in an uncharacteristically manly voice. "I should be dead right now!"

Pengy keeled over and died.

"I'VE WON! I'VE WON!" (Dr.) Persona(schmirtz) yelled "Happy dance time!"

(Dr.) Persona(schmirtz) did a really dumb dance that was undescribably dumb.

* * *

"So, Hotaru-chan," Mikan asked for the second time, "What actually are you doing?" She completely forgot about Pengy because he wasn't actually that important, anyways.

"I'm building a machine called the 'Plot Device'. If you turn it on, waves of horrendous fanfiction plot energy are emitted and infect the minds of many innocent people around wherever you turn it on." Hotaru stoically answered.

"What's 'fanfiction'? Well, I guess that isn't important, but exactly why are you building this so-called 'Plot Device'?"

"It is sometimes a bit difficult to control my alice. It wanted to build this, so I ended up building it."

"Oh, I see. Hotaru-chan, can I press the red button?" said Mikan, pointing to a red button.

"Mikan-chan..." Hotaru tried to explain, but Mikan didn't seem to be listening.

"You see, Hotaru-chan, I will press the red button, because I know that you are so smart that you would probably make the red button a decoy, since people are always tempted to press the red button, and the actual button that turns the Plot Device on, or does something bad is the green button, like the one over there," Mikan points to a green button on the machine. "So I will press the red button."

Mikan's arm moved in slowmo towards the Red Button.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hotaru shouted, also in slowmo.

But Hotaru was too late. Mikan's hand slammed down on the red button. The Plot Device turned on. It started emitting multicoloured rays of fanfiction energy.

"You baka!" screamed Hotaru angrily, "The Red Button WAS the one that turned on The Plot Device! I'm not as smart as you think I am!"

"Oopsy daisy!" blurted Mikan innocently, "Though, I must say, Hotaru-chan, I find it interesting that you could insult the both of us in three sentences."

Unfortunately, neither of them knew actually what to do. For you see, Hotaru hadn't finished building The Plot Device. She hadn't made an off button.

THE END OF CHAPTER 1

A/N: This is supposed to be a bit of a crack fic. Is it too crack-ficish (that's not a word, is it?), not crack-ficish enough? Well, I would like to get some feedback! Also, please don't flame!


	2. Crossover The Bridge When You Come To It

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the comics mentioned here, they all belong to their respective creators.

Don't Press The Button on The Plot Device!

Chapter 2 - Crossover That Bridge When You Come to It

Hotaru stormed out of her bedroom, where she was building her invention. Mikan left the room, too, but wandered off in a different direction from Hotaru. Just forget about Mikan for now, since this chapter is about Hotaru. I'll get back to Mikan later.

Anyways, Hotaru decided that she might as well warn some of her (supposed) friends about The Plot Device. She ran to Yuu Tobita's room, because he was the only vaguely sane person in a five kilometre radius.

When Hotaru got there, she saw him sitting on the ground with Ruka Nogi (and his bunny). In an incredibly large pile of comic books and graphic novels. Manga, manhwa, superhero comics, you name it. At that moment, Hotaru concluded that Yuu Tobita did not even deserve to be called vaguely sane. He seemed to be just plain crazy. There was no point even discussing Ruka.

"What the heck are you two doing?" Hotaru asked them.

"These are all the comic books that teachers have confiscated from students." answered Yuu.

"And you have them because...?"

"The teachers think I'm a good kid, so they just give them all too me."

"If you say so, Iincho" said Hotaru, "But why are you sitting with Ruka-kun?"

"I wanted to read them, of course." Ruka replied, "And I wanted to invite Natsume here, too! But all he wanted to do was wreck havoc all over the school!"

Suddenly, a green light wave came into Yuu's room.

Hotaru ducked so that it would miss her. She knew that even if Yuu and Ruka were sitting, they wouldn't be low enough for it to miss them.

"DUCK!" she almost cried.

But she didn't. Hotaru concluded that Ruka would probably say something incredibly dumb, like, "But I'm only holding a bunny right now!", and not follow her command.

The green light wave of fanfiction energy hit Ruka and Yuu. Hotaru hoped that for once in her life that her alice failed her and that the invention did not work. She got up and looked around the room to see if anything changed. It still looked the same. Yuu and Ruka didn't look harmed.

"What just happened?" Yuu said.

"Nothing." mumbled Ruka.

"Phew," Hotaru thought.

"Hey!" screamed Yuu Tobita, picking up an _X-men _comic, "This comic is a ripoff of _Gakuen Alice_!"

"Gakuen Alice?" Hotaru exclaimed in a shocked tone, "Isn't our school called "Alice Gakuen", or "Alice Academy" if translated into English?"

"Well, yes," responded Yuu, "But _Gakuen Alice_ is a manga by Tachibana Higuchi which is about some kids with special powers in a special school having a special adventure. It reminds me of this place, actually. But the point is, these 'X-men' have stolen Tachibana-san's idea! I need to meet them! And SUE THEM!"

He continued reading the _X-men _comic book to see if there were any other "eerie similarities".

"That was odd." said Hotaru in her usual deadpan manner.

"You know what, Hotaru-chan?" yelled Ruka "These comics," pointing to copies of _The Dark Knight Returns_, _Watchmen_, _Maus_, _Persepolis_ and _American Born Chinese_, "Need more people like Tohru Honda! The characters need her to help them find hope and happiness with the POWERS OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP!"

Not hearing everything Ruka had said except for the part about Tohru Honda, she replied:

"You read _Fruits Basket_? "You read _FRUITS BASKET_? HA HA HA HA HA!" Hotaru fell to the ground and started rolling on the floor, laughing out loud.

"What's wrong with Fruits Basket?" retorted Ruka defensively, "It's a beautiful, well-written, enchanting manga. Besides, Tohru Honda, with her kind and persistent personality reminds me of my Mikan... I mean Mikan!"

"It's a shojo manga. A manga aimed at teenage girls. You are a guy, Ruka-kun."

Ruka intentionally ignored her.

Then, Yuu Tobita stood up and shouted.

"That's it!" cried Yuu, "I'm calling my lawyer! I need to confront these 'X-men' and BRING THEM TO JUSTICE!"

Ruka stood up, too.

"And I need to organize a mass therapy session with Tohru Honda for the characters from these comics!"

The two boys ran out of the room.

Hotaru realized that they had both been hit with the crossover fanfic ray.

THE END OF CHAPTER 2

A/N: The comics that Ruka pointed to are all in my school library (I've only read _Persepolis _and _American Born Chinese_). And so are some volumes of _Fruits Basket_, which I've read and think is a good manga. Apparently, the last time I checked, there are no _Gakuen Alice_/_X-men _crossovers on this website. This fic will not become a crossover fic, so don't expect Ruka to be meeting Tohru Honda or anything like that. Oh, and please review. I'm trying to average out to two reviews per chapter (that isn't too ambitious, is it?), so I might need three reviews for this chapter.


	3. Purple Prose and Radioactive Barf

Disclaimer: I do not own Peanuts or Charlie Brown.

Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device!

Chapter 3 - Purple Prose and Radioactive Barf

There was nothing for Natsume to do. He could not think of one way to cause mischief around Alice Academy. Then, an odd purple-coloured ray hit him. Ignoring the slightly mauve-tinted ray that contained hints of amethyst and lavender (since incredibly peculiar incidents always occur at the prestigious Alice Academy), which had just fatefully collided with him, the irascible Natsume Hyuga continued to contemplate different ways to cause chaos.

Maybe he could conjour up an intense, scorching flame that could slowly burn and melt the kitchen into smithereens of lost culinary delights. But then, Natsume's sensitive ear picked up a piercing screech.

"Aiya!" it screeched "My magical bubbling dragonfruit and venison trifle has destroyed the kitchen! How will I ever be a great chef now?"

Natsume realized the girlish voice belonged to Anna Umenomiya, who had rose-coloured tresses which fell gracefully down to her chest, and eyes that were an absolutely gorgeous shade of aquamarine.

Now what was he going to do? He couldn't cause the kitchen to be burned like the walls that surrounded Troy, because at had already been decimated by a callous young female who created an abominable desert. Before Natsume could think of anymore ideas, a flashing crimson ray of light sped towards him.

A pair of puerile, sandy blond-haired, possible hetrosexual life partners, known to all as Koko and Kitsuneme (despite the fact that those were not their real names), sauntered up to Natsume.

"Hey, Natsume, what'cha doin?" the two goofish fellows chanted in unison. But they too had to suffer the raging wrath of the crimson light beam. They all started to angst.

"My life is so miserable," thought Natsume, "Despite the fact that I am the most gorgeous kid in my whole class, with my ruby-coloured orbs and shining midnight hair, as well as being a so-called genius despite the fact I never, ever do my homework or study. My alice is one of the best and most powerful, even if that means I am locked up in the horrid Alice Academy. I have my own fangirl club, and a higher star-ranking that that nerd Yuu Tobita, but yet I am still not happy. Why? Why? Because, of my undying love for the beauteous Mikan Sakura. With her irises of chocolate and her hair of honey-brown, her kind and caring personality, and her polka-dot underwear. But alas, she doesn't love me. She is oblivous to how I feel!"

"Natsume?" asked Mikan, interrupting his thoughts, "Were you just hit by an angst ray that causes you to angst randomly?"

"How do you know?" exclaimed Natsume, ignoring what she said about the angst ray.

"Well, you have little thought bubbles coming out of your head that have all your thoughts in them, for all the world to see!" she replied.

"What?" yelled Koko, "Are you telling me my mind-reading alice and I have been rendered obsolete? No! No!"

Koko fell to the ground and broke down into tears.

"At least they haven't invented flying machines yet!" chirped Kitsuneme.

"Yes they have!" bawled Koko, "Haven't you heard of airplanes? You've been obsolete for at least a hundred years longer than I have!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah!" Kitsuneme cried as tears ran down his face, and he crumbled to the ground like Koko and the Berlin wall had.

"Forget about those two, Natsume," said Mikan, "Look, I know how you hate alice academy, but look at it this way. There are poor children in Africa who can't get an education. You should be grateful! Shame on you!"

"Stop using cliche ways to nag me, polka-dots." Natsume retorted.

"And," she continued, "your alice is excellent. You could have a much worse alice, like radioactive barf." Mikan's voice remained serious throughout.

Before Natsume could respond, Mochu galavanted in.

"Guys, I might as well tell you the truth. My real name is Charlie Brown and I am dying of cancer. I will no longer be on the earth as of three months, and I probably would of ascended to a higher plane of existence!"

"IF I HAD RADIOACTIVE BARF I COULD USE IT TO CURE MOCHU!" screamed Natsume.

"Dude, that's so gross! Besides, I don't think chemotherapy works that way." Mochu said in a deadpan tone, "I'm not really dying of cancer and I'm not Charlie Brown. I was just trying to make fun of how ridiculous you guys look angsting."

"NOW PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF OUR ANGST! WAAAAAAH! OUR LIVES ARE HORRIBLE!" chorused Koko, Kitsuneme and Natsume.

"Mochu," wimpered Koko, "Is it true that people now have thought-bubbles?"

"No." answered Mochu.

"Then how did Mikan know about all the pain and suffering I'm going through?" Natsume asked.

"I just guessed!" giggled Mikan.

END OF CHAPTER 3

A/N: If you couldn't guess it, the purple ray was a "purple prose ray". And yes, the red ray was a pointless angst ray. Oh, and I did not mean to offend anyone who has had cancer or knows someone suffering from the disease in this chapter.


	4. Trying To Find The Cure

Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device

Chapter 4 - Trying To Find The Cure

Mikan decided to go find Hotaru. The rays from The Plot Device were much more dangerous than she thought.

"HOTAAAAAAAAAAAAARUUUUUUUUUUUU-CHAN?" she called "WHERE ARE ?"

"I'm right here, you baka!" shouted Hotaru, who was standing right beside her, "I came to look for you after seeing The Plot Device's effects on Ruka and Yuu. Those two were made into complete insane idiots. Imagine how crazy that thing could turn you. I needed to find you in order to make sure it hadn't harmed you."

"Are you just using this as an opportunity to insult me, Hotaru-chan?" asked Mikan. Then she mumbled more quietly, "Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends."

"Well, you once said something about how underneath my stoic and slightly cruel exterior, I'm a kind and caring person." Hotaru pointed out, answering Mikan's rhetorical question.

"True, true. You did come here to protect me after all." said Mikan.

"Okay, so how are we going to fix The Plot Device?"

"Maybe you could try to add an "Off" button to it? That probably wouldn't be too difficult for you, Hotaru-chan."

"Mikan-chan, I can't do that. It would be a bit dangerous to fix the machine while it's running."

"But what's the worst it can do to you? The Plot Device can't kill you. All it did is make Natsume, Koko and Kitsuneme have a lot of unreasonable angst."

"It didn't harm Ruka and Yuu to much either, but there are some rays that it emits that are quite dangerous, such as the 'Sudden-character-death-ray' and the 'Random-but-dramatic-life-threatening-illness-ray."

"Okay then. Hmmm... maybe we could ask Nonoko to make a potion that could cure the people who are afflicted by horrible fanfiction rays?"

"That's actually a good idea, Mikan-chan."

The two girls went to find Nonoko Ograsawa. They went to the chemistry lab, since she was probably there making something with her alice.

"Nonoko, are you here?" asked Mikan nervously. She was hoping to fix the whole "Plot Device Problem" soon.

"Hello Mikan-chan and Hotaru-chan!" Nonoko, who was (un)surprisingly enough in the chemistry lab, said, "What are you two doing here?"

"You see, Nonoko-chan," replied Hotaru, "I built this machine called The Plot Device that causes people to act out bad fanfiction plots. I wasn't finished building it, but then a certain baka..." Hotaru glared at Mikan, "...Turned it on. So now it's emitting Horrible Fanfiction Rays which make things from bad fanfiction come true. And I didn't finish making the 'off' button, so trying to turn it off is pointless. Which is why we need something to cure the people who have been afflicted by the Horrible Fanfiction Rays. Can you please make us a potion to cure the people who have been afflicted by the Horrible Fanfiction Rays? Oh, and can you possibly make a vaccine to prevent the rays from harming others?

"Hotaru, where you just hit by the giant text-block ray?" Nonoko asked sarcastically. Hotaru was rather surprised that Nonoko didn't ask what fanfiction was.

"No, I wasn't. And how did you know there's a ray that does that?" Hotaru exclaimed in an annoyed tone."

"Long story. Look, I can try to make a potion, but I can't promise you..." Nonoko couldn't finish her sentence, because then a pink ray came through window and hit her from behind.

"Do you guys think Hayate Matsudaira is really cute? Because I sure do! He's my one true love!" gushed Nonoko.

"I think she's been hit by the 'Crack pairing ray'." whispered Hotaru to Mikan.

"She could still make us the potion, though," Mikan whispered back, "It's not like she's dead or anything. Nonoko-chan would just have to cure herself with the potion now."

"But Mikan, the potion would cause her to get over that moron Hayate! She probably wouldn't want us to force her away from her 'one true love', even if it's an unnatural crack pairing. In other words, Nonoko probably wouldn't make the potion for us now."

"Could we try to find someone else with a chemistry alice, then?"

"Nonoko's the only chemistry alice in the whole school. I know this, I'm in the technical class."

"Let's just not talk about this whole plot-device-kerfuffle for a while, okay Hotaru-chan? Say, how do you know what fanfiction is? 'Cause I don't even know what it is!"

"Long story." responded Hotaru

End of Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter was probably one of the more sane ones. Will the Horrible Fanfiction Rays I mentioned actually do something in this fanfic? I'm not sure about that yet. I can't think of any ideas for the next chapter as of now, so does anyone have any suggestions? Please review if you do, or if you just feel like reviewing! Thanks!


	5. Talking To The Lawyer

Disclaimer: I don't own _Rose of Versailles, Happiness Is A Warm Puppy, I Love You Forever, X-men _or any other work of fiction or fictional character mentioned in this Gakuen Alice fanfic (including Gakuen Alice itself).

Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device

Chapter 5- Talking to the Lawyer

Let's just leave Mikan and Hotaru thinking about solutions to fixing The Plot Device. Instead, we will go back to the complex tale of Yuu Tobita, who, when we last saw him, was planning to sue the _X-men_. Oh, and he was with Ruka Nogi, but that isn't the point. Well, maybe, before we get to talking about Yuu, we should just explain what happened to Ruka so an annoying plot hole isn't created.

"Yuu-kun," asked Ruka, pointing to a pile of comic books, "Can you create an illusion of Tohru Honda and all the characters from these books?"

"I could create Tohru Honda, but I don't think I have enough energy to make all the other characters. Are you fine with just Tohru?" replied Yuu Tobita.

"But how can Tohru run a therapy group if there aren't any other people? How could she read _Happiness Is A Warm Puppy _and_ I Love You Forever _to them if they aren't there?" shouted Ruka, "How could she make them all hold hands and sing _Kumbaya_? No, Yuu Tobita, you absolutely must create illusions of the other characters!"

"But I can't! I just can't! Besides, it would take too much time!" Yuu checked his watch (he had a watch for the sake of this plot moving along smoothly), "My lawyer is coming here in five minutes Ruka, and I need to have an important discussion with him about suing the X-men!"

"Fine!" Ruka yelled in a tone that was quite OOC for Ruka, "I'm going to talk to Natsume-kun! I'm sure that he can actually help me!" So Ruka stomped out of the room, oddly enough without his bunny, because his bunny was also hit by the crossover ray, so it was busy planning a costume party with The Easter Bunny, Bugs Bunny, and Peter Rabbit.

Yuu was waiting for his lawyer, when suddenly, he heard an odd knocking sound on his skylight (his room had a skylight for the sake of this plot moving along smoothly). He saw an elderly man in a yukata. That was his lawyer.

The man opened the skylight after about struggling with it for about ten minutes (he had tried to pry it open with a banana), then jumped into Yuu's room.

"Hiya, kiddo!" exclaimed The Lawyer, "You know, I have a granddaughter who attends this school. Her name is Mikan Sakura and she's just about your age, Fuu Tobita."

Yuu Tobita blinked, then smiled politely and said "Ermm... my name is Yuu Tobita, not Fuu, like that girl in _Magic Knight Rayearth_! Also, you're Mikan's grandfather? Don't you know how much Mikan wanted to see you? How come you never bothered to come and visit her, and yet you come through the skylight to see me, a kid you don't know?"

"I didn't want to seem like a creepy old man. But that's not the issue, Luu-chan! So, why do you want me here?"

Yuu, deciding to ignore the fact that Mikan's Grandpa had just called him Luka's nickname.

"I want you to help me file a lawsuit against The X-men! There comic book series a complete ripoff of _Gakuen Alice _that is googelplex times less awesome!" Yuu responded.

Mikan's Grandfather sighed. "But the only comics I've ever read are _Superman, Batman, Spider-man, Peanuts, Naruto, Death Note, Calvin and Hobbes, Kuroshitsuji, Tokyo Mew Mew, Wonder Woman, For Better Or For Worse..."_

(an incredibly long list of comics later)

_"...Marmaduke, Watchmen, Fruits Basket, Mary Worth, Garfield, Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2, Dragon Ball, The Incredible Hulk and my favourite, Rose of Versailles."_

"But, sir," whined Yuu, "You could just use your comic book knowledge to help me. Or at least help my friend Ruka, who really wants to meet Tohru Honda from _Fruits Basket_."

"Well maybe." answered Mikan's Grandpa. Then he got hit by the Bishie Ray, which made him look, well, undescribably bishonen. "

"Forget the 'maybe'!" he screamed "I have a modelling career to pursue!"

Then he jumped right up through the skylight, the way he came in.

End of Chapter 5

A/N: No, I have not read all those comics. After thinking about it, I really need to make Sumire and Naru appear. And yes, I love pointless pop-culture shout outs.


	6. It's Super Permy?

Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device!

Chapter 6: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... Super Permy?

Mikan and Hotaru were busy brainstorming ideas on how to fix the problem that you, dear readers, should know because you were actually paying attention to what was going on.

Their list looked something like this:

1. Find Anna and ask her to make some magic cookies that can cure everybody! (suggested by Mikan. Hotaru said that Anna wasn't too good at controlling her Alice, and that half the time the food she made tasted gross.)

2. Get Nodacchi to go back in time and prevent this from ever happening. (suggested by Hotaru. Mikan pointed out that Nodacchi was probably busy doing something like enjoying Woodstock for the sixth time or watching Shakespeare write some play that was nowhere near as good as the _Gakuen Alice _manga.)

3. Ask a teacher for help (suggested by Mikan. Hotaru whacked Mikan, called her a baka, saying that Idea #2 was already technically asking a teacher for help).

4. Tell Sumire how wonderful she is and cater to her every whim so that she might consider giving unimportant people like you a chance. (suggested by Sumire, who had nosily decided to mind Mikan and Hotaru's beeswax).

"Permy!" yelled Mikan, "Shouldn't you be minding your own beeswax?"

"Well," Sumire huffed, "Your little Plot Device made my beloved Natsume into a crybaby! And it also caused that idiot Koko to not fight back when I insult him! That takes out all the fun of insulting Koko!"

"You forgot to add about how Ruka is only looking for Tohru Honda, which makes him pay attention to you even less." mumbled Hotaru.

"Don't even get me started on that!" grumbled Sumire, "Anyways, I really you two should fix that thing before it does something even worse than the damage it's already caused. It could like, totally wreck my hair!"

"Hooray for Captain Obvious!" Hotaru exclaimed sarcastically.

"Since when was Permy as superhero?" asked Mikan, who was incapable of understanding the simple concept known as sarcasm.

Before anything else could happen that would move this story forward, three rays that were different colours hit Sumire. She was engulfed by a flashing sparkly light. "What the..." screamed Sumire, but then the tone of her voice changed before she could finish her sentence, "... Perm Power! Make Up!" When it died down, she came out... changed.

"I've always been a magical girl! Or superhero as those peculiar Americans call it!" shouted Sumire "Permy" Ebony Spectrum McKenzy Persimmona Van Shouda, who was now wearing an absolutely gorgeous outfit that held a great resemblance to the Alice Academy Elementary Division Uniform. However, it the short skirt now was edged with eyelet lace and had multiple flouncy tiers, and the sleeves were short much poofier. She was wearing fingerless gloves bedazzled with gems and stiletto boots that also had gems. Sumire's elegant flowing forest-coloured hair was bedecked with ribbons and a tiara that was bedazzled with emeralds, which matched Sumire's emerald eyes. And she was wearing a bright red cape that looked a lot like Superman's.

"It's elementary, my dear Hotaru. Permy is indeed Captain Obvious." said Mikan deductively, in a manner akin to Sherlock Holmes.

"Actually, young Mikan, my name is Super Sailor Mew Cardcaptor Amulet Saint Idol Permy, Defender of Truth, Justice And Mary-Sues! I also can play twenty-two instruments, juggle fire batons, diffuse nuclear bombs in three seconds, speak 324 languages and use at least 342,312,433 different types of Alices! Unfortunately, I was orphaned at the age of one, where I was left to live with wolves. Then I was found by Russian spies, who trained me in the art of monkey wrangling! But one day I was gagged, bound, and thrown into this place called Alice Academy!"

Hotaru and Mikan could not say anything, because they were blinded by her ravishing beauty and overall awesomeness.

"Look!" cried Permy, pointing to an ordinary fluorescent light "It's the Perm Signal! Somebody is in trouble!" With that, she jetted away faster than a speeding bullet.

"Hotaru-chan, what rays hit Permy?" Mikan asked. She had returned back to as close to normal as she could get.

"The Magical Girl/Superhero Ray, The Mary-Sue Ray, and worst of all," Hotaru paused, leaned closer to Mikan, and whispered, "The Long Text Block Ray."

"Okay... Hotaru. I get the first two, but what about the last one?" said Mikan, who asks a lot of questions in this fanfic.

"If you wrote down the giant rant she gave on paper, it probably would be a large text block, Mikan."

"Makes enough sense. Well, look on the bright side, Hotaru-chan, at least we can cross Idea #4 of our list."

END OF CHAPTER 6

A/N: So Sumire finally earned herself an appearance in this fanfic. I have to put Naru in here some time soon. Hmmm... I noticed that people only review when I write "Please Review!" So I might as well write that... no, wait a sec... I already did.


	7. Man Catfight Time!

_(A/N: I finished Volume 12 of Gakuen Alice last week, so I now know about Aoi.)_

**Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device**

**Chapter 7: Man Catfight Time!**

Although technically, this story stars Mikan Sakura and Hotaru Imai, due to the author being silly, said story now has multiple subplots, such as Yuu's hatred towards the X-men, Ruka wanting to meet Tohru Honda (of _Fruits Basket _fame), and Natsume's absolutely tragical angst.

Since last time we focused on Yuu Tobita when we were focusing on characters that weren't Mikan and Hotaru, now we will focus on Ruka, who wants to convince Natsume to escape Alice Academy with him and find Tohru Honda.

"Natsume-kun." murmured Ruka, who was for once actually slightly in character, "I want to escape Alice Academy."

"Why, Ruka-kun, why?" Natsume moaned, "Why are you planning to leave me here, in this wretched place? Do you not like me anymore? Have I failed you as a friend? What have I done wrong, Ruka-kun? What have I done? Are you jealous of my ruby orbs and shiny midnight black hair? Are you angry because I stole Mikan's heart away from you?" Tears ran down Natsume's alabaster cheeks as he fell to the ground and clutched onto Ruka's legs, "Dont' leave me, Ruka-kun. Don't leave me!"

"I don't want to leave you, silly!" Ruka assured the fallen Natsume in a cutesy voice, "I want you to escape Alice Academy with me! After all, you've always wanted to leave this place, right? When we leave here, we can do what we've always wanted to do, like reunite you with your sister and meet Tohru Honda. Also, BTW, you have not stolen Mikan-chan's heart away from me! I still have a chance with her!"

Natsume stood up and flung out one of his arms dramatically, as if he was reciting Shakespeare: "But I'm too weak, too emotionally weak, to attempt to run away from the academy! Every time I've tried, I've failed! Some monstrosity like Narumi or Persona has always found me and reeled me back into this prison, like a bass on the line of a fishing rod!" Natsume melodramatically quieted down, "Besides, Ruka, if you leave without me, I'll have no friend who understands how I feel!"

"Natsume, you have Koko and Kitsuneme," responded Ruka logically, pointing to the two almost identical dark blond boys moping nearby, "They have a fair bit of angst, too."

"Oh, Koko!" cried Kitsuneme, falling into Koko's arms, "Why do people always think of me as just a clone of you? I'm more than that! For one, I have a different alice and my eyes are always shut! And my hair has a side part while yours has a centre part! Even though those are the only differences between us, people never recognize me for the unique individual I am! "

Koko sniffled and attemped to hold back the tears that were rushing "Kitsu, I wish I could help you, but I have my own problems! Do you know how hard it is to prevent myself from reading other peoples' minds? Sometimes, even though I don't want too, I can see the dark, dark things lurking in your mind! Like," Koko bit his lip in a giddy sort of anxiety, "Dark chocolate! That makes me soooooooooo hungry!"

Natsume looked at Ruka, "Those two hooligans angst about pointless things! I have real, serious, traumatic things going on in my life! If you want to leave me because you don't understand the seriousness of my feelings, that's okay! Go on, without me!"

"Me not understanding your feelings?" snapped Ruka, "You don't seem to understand how much I want to meet Tohru Honda! I've sacrificed so much for you, and all you want to do is mope! Some friend you are!"

"This fight is now serious, Ruka!" screamed Natsume, "And you know what that calls for!"

"No... not that... not now..." Ruka trembled in fear.

Natsume struck an awesome pose that can be left up to your imagination, and shouted awesomely in an unusually deep, manly voice:

"IT'S MAN CAT-FIGHT TIME, RUKA!"

Natsume started catfighting Ruka like a crabby, caffeine-deprived model during New York Fashion Week, so Ruka catfighted back.

And so that was the first real fight that Natsume Hyuuga and Ruka Nogi ever had.

**END OF CHAPTER 7**

_(A/N: Last month this fic got readers from The United states, The Phillipines, Canada, Germany, Indonesia, Finland, Qatar, Austrailia, Estonia, Singapore, Bangeladesh, Malaysia, Japan, Hong Kong, Jamaica, India, Norway, Portugal and Uganda. I hope I can get reviews from all those places, too!)_


	8. Kawaii Cereal Killers and Time Paradoxes

**Don't Press the Button On The Plot Device**

**Chapter 8: Kawaii Cereal Killers and Time Paradoxes**

Now once again, we will focus on the supposed main characters of this fanfic, Mikan Sakura and Hotaru Imai. The last time we saw them, they witnessed Sumire Shouda transform into a horrible creature that we normally call a Mary-Sue. Mikan and Hotaru decided that the chaos caused by The Plot Device couldn't go on any longer. They needed to get help. So, they went down the list of ideas they made, in search of an answer.

* * *

Idea #1: Get Anna to bake magic cookies or something.

Mikan and Hotaru (yes, their names are always written in that order) told Anna about The Plot Device fiasco, which you, dear fanfic reader, should know about already.

"So, Anna-chan, can you please make magic cookies or something that cure the victims of the Horrible Fanfiction Rays?" asked Hotaru nonchalantly.

"Okay, I'll try to, but first, can you and Mikan-chan explain why you are lying on the floor? It looks rather uncomfortable," Anna said to Mikan and Hotaru who were, as mentioned before, lying on the kitchen floor.

"We're trying to protect ourselves from the Horrible Fanfiction Rays," answered Hotaru, "They can't hit a person if they're lying on the floor.

"I guess I would like to join you two, then" said Anna politely, "but I don't think I can cook anything when I'm lying down."

Since this story is probably becoming really predictable, as you can guess, Anna was hit by two Horrible Fanfiction Rays.

A strange look came across her face.

"Ohayo, me a llama so you actually kawaii octopus, desu!" she shouted, "Hiihiiihiihiiihiiihiiihiii! Muons are pokemon, yo!"

"Those were the Crack Fic ray and the Bad Fangirl Japanese ray." Hotaru whispered to Mikan.

* * *

Idea #2: Go get Nodacchi-sensei to go back in time so that The Plot Device incident never happened.

"Nodacchi-sensei?" asked Hotaru, "Can you please go back in time for..."

Since Nodacchi couldn't control is powers, he went started time travelling before Mikan finished her sentence.

Nodacchi found himself on a sidewalk in a familiar place. Then, he saw his mother. Well, his mother, but a lot younger.

"Hi mom!" he yelled.

"I don't have a son!" Nodacchi's (future) mother screamed "I'm only 15!". She ran out onto the street in panic, but got run over by a car.

"Oh shoot!" Nodacchi mumbled, "I think I just got myself into a time paradox.

* * *

Idea #3: Ask Narumi-sensei for help.

"Naru-sensei!" begged Mikan, (again), "You see, Hotaru made this invention..."

Naru was hit by two horrible fanfiction rays, which caused a giant blinding flash. When that was over, Naru came out... but he was female.

"Now, what were you saying, Mikan-chan?" asked Female!Naru.

"I was about to say that..."

Female!Naru randomly tripped.

"Oh... oh... I'm so sorry!" She looked up at Mikan and Hotaru with large puppy-dog eyes.

"... nothing" Mikan sighed contentedly that she had finished her sentence.

Mikan and Hotaru walked away from Female!Naru as much as possible, both of them knowing, without even having to ask, that Naru was hit with the Gender Bender Ray and the MoeMoe ray.

* * *

Idea #4: Go ask Tsubasa-sempai and Misaki-sempai for help.

"Misaki-sempai, Tsubasa-sempai! I need your help!"

"What is it this time, Mikan-chan?" said Tsubasa cheerily.

A horrible fanfiction ray hit Tsubasa and Misaki before Mikan could tell them what was wrong. Mikan's two sempai's disappeared.

"Auggh!" groaned Mikan, "Why do these rays always have to hit some people before we can tell them about our problem!"

"The Plot Device causes things to happen at points which it 'thinks' the plot of a story will 'benefit' the most from it, Mikan-chan." said Hotaru, who now only served as exposition, "Also, Tsubasa-sempai and Misaki-sempai just got hit by the 'Erased From The Story' ray."

* * *

Idea #5: Go ask Mochu-kun for help.

Mikan and Hotaru told Mochu about The Plot Device fiasco.

"Why would I help you two?" said the oddly bald boy named Mochiage.

"Well, you're one of the only uneffected non-evil people left." answered Mikan with a creepy grin on her face.

"Umm...I think I'll just tell Jinno-sensei about your misbehaving, then." Mochu quipped with a small amount of fear in his voice (the author is running out of good synonyms for "said"), and he ran off.

* * *

Idea #6: Try to find Kaname and ask him for help.

The two girls walked into the Northern Woods in a fashion similar to that of unknowing horror movie victims.

First, Mikan and Hotaru bumped into Piyo, who got hit with the "Giant Movie Monster" ray, but since he was already debatably a giant movie monster, nothing happened, except for the fact Super Sailor something-or-other Permy attempted to destroy him with her Magical Curling Iron.

"How come we never get hit by the Horrible Fanfiction Rays?" Mikan asked Hotaru. But then, Mikan got hit with the Pointless Pop Culture references ray.

"Well, you now just got hit by the Pointless Pop Culture refrences ray, but since the fanfic has a lot of Pointless Pop Culture refrences, you'll probably not be too affected." Hotaru told Mikan.

"I guess you're right, Hotaru-chan. The fact that this fanfic has Pointless Pop Culture Refrences is as obvious as the fact that Rosebud was his sled."

"_Citizen Kane_ is too old to count as Pop Culture, you baka!" snapped Hotaru.

While Mikan and Hotaru were having a fight about whether _Citzen Kane _counts as Pop Culture, Mr. Bear strutted onto the scene, where he expectedly got hit with a Horrible Fanfiction Ray.

A murderous expression slowly crept onto his fuzzy face, and he lifted up his axe as if he was ready to kill.

"MR. BEAR HAS BEEN IT BY THE PSYCHO SERIAL KILLER RAY!" screamed Mikan, and she and Hotaru ran out of the woulds as fast as the could.

Mr. Bear sat down on a tree stump, took out a box of lucky charms, opened it, then poured all the cereal into his mouth as fast as he could.

**END OF CHAPTER 8**

A/N: This is my longest chapter yet! Please review! That's all I really have to say.


	9. Baa! Baa! This! Is! Chapter! Nine!

**Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device**

**Chapter 9: Baa Baa... THIS! IS! CHAPTER! NINE!**

Lucky for you, readers, this chapter also focuses on Mikan and Hotaru, so you don't have to switch your focus on to some other people who debatably don't matter.

Last time on_ Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device_, Mikan and Hotaru were bravely...errr... running away from Mr. Bear.

So, they ran back to Alice Academy, when they heard a loud, but high-pitched scream.

"AHHHHHHHHH! COOL BLUE SKY! SAVE ME FROM THIS CREEPY YANDERE!"

"I think we should help the person in trouble!" exclaimed Mikan heroically.

"But it's that baka Hayate Matsudaira! We should not waste our him! Especially when we have to find a solution to our Plot Device problem," answered Hotaru angrily.

"Hotaru-chan," Mikan said with much more innocence than usual, "Matsudaira-san is still a human. He's capable of having feelings just like everyone else, and even if you don't like him very much, we should still help him!"

"Are you sure he's human?" Hotaru sarcastically retorted.

"Well, even if he isn't, he's still a living creature and..."

Hotaru facepalmed.

"After this is over, Mikan-chan, I really need to teach you about sarcasm."

"That has nothing to do with saving Matsudaira-san!" argued Mikan.

"We aren't saving him!" shouted Hotaru.

"Yeah we are!"

The two friends continued to bicker. Meanwhile, the other members of the Dangerous Ability Class (sans Natsume), heard Hayate's cry.

"Let's go save Hayate!" yelled Rui Amane.

"But he's an idiot," Hajime Yakumo mumbled. The other members of the Dangerous Ability Class murmured in agreement.

"Oh, come on guys!" Rui squealed, "We have no missions right now, and Persona wouldn't notice because he's busy fighting some penguin in a fedora hat."

The rest of the dangerous ability class cracked up in laughter, which was fairly out of character for them,

"Are you sure you haven't been watching too much _Phineas and Ferb_?" gasped Nobara Ibaragi in between giggles.

"What's wrong with _Phineas and Ferb_?" Youichi Hijiri asked.

"Yeah, it's a good show," Hajime added.

Rui and Nobara turned and looked at him oddly.

Hajime looked away. "Errr...I didn't say anything,"

"Geez, stop talking about kiddie shows!" ordered Rui, "Come on, NOW LET'S GO SAVE HAYATE!"

The Dangerous Ability Class (sans Natsume) ran all around the school trying to find him.

After a while, Rui said, "Okay guys, let's split up. Hajime-kun, you go with Youichi-kun and I'll go with Nobara-chan."

"That's a good idea, Amane-san," muttered Nobara quietly, pointing to the chemistry lab, "However, Matsudaira-san is in that room."

"How do you know, huh?" Rui asked snobbishly.

"Well, the door is wide open, so you can clearly see him tied up, presumably by some elementary school girl going on some creepy rant about why he's her 'destined true love." Hajime said.

"NOOOOO!" Rui whined, "That means we can't kick the door open awesomely like in those action movies!"

Ignoring Rui's whining, Youichi, Hajime, and Nobara walked into the room, and Rui followed them in and shut the door for some reason that should be really obvious.

"Oh dear, beloved Hayate-tan," the elementary school girl (who was actually... OMG major spoiler... Nonoko) cackled, "It looks like your friends have come to rescue you!"

"That's nice of them," mumbled Hayate, "But I was hoping that I would be saved by Cool Blue Sky!"

The four non-tied-up members of the Dangerous Ability Class were slightly shocked by Hayate's ungrateful attitude, but not that shocked because he was, after all, not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Before they could actually attack Yandere!Nonoko with their super-crazy-awesome alices, they all got hit by Horrible Fanfiction Rays. Nobara got hit by the Cosplay Ray and the Songfic Ray, Youichi got hit by the _TVTropes _TroperRay, Rui got hit by the Random Famous Quote Ray, and Hajime got hit by the Rabid Fangirl Ray.

Nobara, now in a Miku Hatsune (of _Vocaloid_ fame) outfit, belted out:

"_Baa, baa, black sheep."_

Youichi said, "You know, guys, we need to save the _Big Guy _of our _Five Man Band _before the _Yandere Big Bad _kills him or we suffer from major _character derailment _and _TVtropes ruins my life. _Then again, _there is no such thing as notability, _so..."

"_Have you any wool?" _Nobara sang

Hajime interrupted Youichi (since Nobara's singing was unheard for mysterious reasons), "OMG11! HAYATE IS IN TROUBLE! FTW! WE NEED 2 TAKE A PHOTO OF US SAVIN HIM 2 PUT ON MY TTLY GR8 FACEBOOK PAGE! AND THEN I NEED TO MARRY SOME FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

"Yes, yes, Hajime-kun," Rui added, "To be or not to be, that is the question. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself..."

"_Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full_," continued Nobara.

Well, we might as well go back to Mikan and Hotaru, who are more important than the people who just hogged up a large portion of this chapter.

"We should save him!" yelled Mikan.

"No we shouldn't!" yelled Hotaru.

"Girls, girls," asked Fukutan, who almost never appears in _Gakuen Alice _fanfiction, "What in the world is going on?"

Mikan and Hotaru, who were arguing so loudly, didn't hear him. They didn't hear him when he got hit by the Meme Ray. They didn't hear him when he shouted "THIS! IS! FUKUTAN!" And they didn't hear him when he ran off and started singing that famous Rick Astley song called "_Never Gonna Give You Up_".

Since Mikan is the main character of the _Gakuen Alice Manga_, therefore she always wins arguments concerning heroics, Mikan and Hotaru ran to the chemistry room in order to save Hayate. Of course, they knew that he was in the chemistry room because they knew that Nonoko had fallen in love with him, which you should know if you read Chapter 4 of this fanfic.

Mikan and Hotaru simultaneously kicked the door open in a very awesome manner, only to get hit by the MST ray. Or the Sporking ray. Or whatever you call it.

**END OF CHAPTER 9**

_(A/N: For those of you who don't know, MSTing or Sporking is when an author sticks in snarky comments (in a style similar to that of Mystery Science Theater 3000) between the lines a work of bad fanfiction, usually for the sake of humour. Since Mikan and Hotaru got hit by the MST ray, they will spend the next chapter commenting on a fanfic, namely portions of THIS fanfic. For this, I need your input. Please review and suggest certain scenes (NOT whole chapters, just about a paragraph) that you want me... I mean Mikan and Hotaru... to MST.)_


	10. GAFTS 2K10

_(A/N: Here is the MST chapter! Sorry I took so long! Also, thanks to Ninghui465 for the suggesting that I use the Natsume angst paragraph! Also, italicized text indicates the text is from a chapter I've already written, _**Mikan and Hotaru's MSTing/Sporking is in bold **and Normal Text is for any new non-MST content._)_

**Chapter 10: Gakuen Fanfic Theatre Sporking 2010 (GAFTS 2K10)**

As you all know, Mikan and Hotaru got hit by the MST/Sporking ray, so they started MSTing/Sporking the story that they were in.

**Hotaru: Geez, can't the author just decide to pick between using either "MST" or "Sporking"? And does the author have to state the obvious! Most people reading this chapter would've already read chapters 1-9!**

**Mikan: What's wrong with that? I state the obvious all the time!**

_"You see, Hotaru-chan, I will press the red button, because I know that you are so smart that you would probably make the red button a decoy, since people are always tempted to press the red button, and the actual button that turns the Plot Device on, or does something bad is the green button, like the one over there," Mikan points to a green button on the machine. "So I will press the red button."_

**Hotaru: Mikan is being really OOC! She isn't that smart!**

**Mikan: Hey!**

_"Well, yes," responded Yuu, "But Gakuen Alice is a manga by Tachibana Higuchi which is about some kids with special powers in a special school having a special adventure. It reminds me of this place, actually. But the point is, these 'X-men' have stolen Tachibana-san's idea! I need to meet them! And SUE THEM!" _

**Mikan: X-men is actually older than **_**Gakuen Alice**_**. It was created a long, long, long, long, long time ago, when my Grandpa was a boy and rode his dinosaur to school.**

**Hotaru: And **_**Gakuen Alice **_**was created in 2003.**

**Mikan: But that's only seven years ago! How can I be ten right now, then?**

_"What's wrong with Fruits Basket?" retorted Ruka defensively, "It's a beautiful, well-written, enchanting manga. Besides, Tohru Honda, with her kind and persistent personality reminds me of my Mikan... I mean Mikan!"_

**Mikan: I didn't know Ruka was in love with me!**

**Hotaru: (facepalms)**

_(A/N: ... Apparently, the last time I checked, there are no Gakuen Alice/X-men crossovers on .)_

**Hotaru: I think there actually is one now.**

**Mikan: Ooooh! Can we spork that, too?**

_"My life is so miserable," thought Natsume, "Despite the fact that I am the most gorgeous kid in my whole class, with my ruby-coloured orbs and shining midnight hair, as well as being a so-called genius despite the fact I never, ever do my homework or study. My alice is one of the best and most powerful, even if that means I am locked up in the horrid Alice Academy. _

**Hotaru: And even if that means people write horrible fanfiction about me where I'm incredibly OOC!**

_I have my own fangirl club, and a higher star-ranking that that nerd Yuu Tobita, but yet I am still not happy. Why? Why? Because, of my undying love for the beauteous Mikan Sakura. With her irises of chocolate and her hair of honey-brown, her kind and caring personality, and her polka-dot underwear. But alas, she doesn't love me. She is oblivous to how I feel!"_

**Mikan: Natsume is in love with me, too! EWWW!**

**Hotaru: One million NatsuMikan fangirls died right there. **

_"Forget about those two, Natsume," said Mikan, "Look, I know how you hate alice academy, but look at it this way. There are poor children in Africa who can't get an education. You should be grateful! Shame on you!"_

**Mikan: All the rich children in Africa wonder why nobody ever mentions them in any fanfics or works of literature. **

**Hotaru: How would you know that they're not mentioned if you never even read any books?**

_"Are you just using this as an opportunity to insult me, Hotaru-chan?" asked Mikan. Then she mumbled more quietly, "Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends."_

_"Well, you once said something about how underneath my stoic and slightly cruel exterior, I'm a kind and caring person." Hotaru pointed out, answering Mikan's rhetorical question._

**Hotaru: I'm not actually a kind and caring person, just so you know.**

**Mikan: Sometimes I wonder why we're even friends.**

**Hotaru: Well, you once said...**

**Mikan: But you just said.. never mind.**

_Mikan's Grandfather sighed. "But the only comics I've ever read are Superman, Batman, Spider-man, Peanuts, Naruto, Death Note, Calvin and Hobbes, Kuroshitsuji, Tokyo Mew Mew, Wonder Woman, For Better Or For Worse..."_

_(an incredibly long list of comics later)_

_"...Marmaduke, Watchmen, Fruits Basket, Mary Worth, Garfield, Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2, Dragon Ball, The Incredible Hulk and my favourite, Rose of Versailles."_

**Mikan: Now I know what Grandpa buried beneath those rosebushes in our backyard.**

**Hotaru: Actually, I think we once dug up that place and found a dead baby.**

**Mikan: No dead baby jokes, Hotaru. This story is stupid enough already.**

**Hotaru: (whispering) Says the queen of stupidity. **

_"But, sir," whined Yuu, "You could just use your comic book knowledge to help me. Or at least help my friend Ruka, who really wants to meet Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket."_

**Hotaru: Who doesn't know that Tohru Honda is from **_**Fruits Basket**_**?**

**Mikan: How can a car fit in a basket of fruit?**

_Before anything else could happen that would move this story forward, three rays that were different colours hit Sumire. She was engulfed by a flashing sparkly light. "What the..." screamed Sumire, but then the tone of her voice changed before she could finish her sentence, "... Perm Power! Make Up!" When it died down, she came out... changed._

**Hotaru: Maybe she should've shouted "Ta ta ta TAA! Permy Power!**

_"I've always been a magical girl! Or superhero as those peculiar Americans call it!" shouted Sumire "Permy" Ebony Spectrum McKenzy Persimmona Van Shouda, who was now wearing an absolutely gorgeous outfit that held a great resemblance to the Alice Academy Elementary Division Uniform. However, it the short skirt now was edged with eyelet lace and had multiple flouncy tiers, and the sleeves were short much poofier. She was wearing fingerless gloves bedazzled with gems and stiletto boots that also had gems. Sumire's elegant flowing forest-coloured hair was bedecked with ribbons and a tiara that was bedazzled with emeralds, which matched Sumire's emerald eyes. And she was wearing a bright red cape that looked a lot like Superman's. _

**Mikan: I wish I had an outfit like that! Tachibana Higuchi really needs to take costuming suggestions from this fanfic author!**

**Hotaru: We're supposed to be insulting this fanfic, Mikan.**

_"If you wrote down the giant rant she gave on paper, it probably would be a large text block, Mikan."_ said Hotaru.

**Mikan: Hotaru was right about that! **

_"Why, Ruka-kun, why?" Natsume moaned, "Why are you planning to leave me here, in this wretched place? Do you not like me anymore? Have I failed you as a friend? What have I done wrong, Ruka-kun? What have I done? Are you jealous of my ruby orbs and shiny midnight black hair? Are you angry because I stole Mikan's heart away from you?" Tears ran down Natsume's alabaster cheeks as he fell to the ground and clutched onto Ruka's legs, "Dont' leave me, Ruka-kun. Don't leave me!" _

_"I don't want to leave you, silly!" Ruka assured the fallen Natsume in a cutesy voice, "I want you to escape Alice Academy with me! After all, you've always wanted to leave this place, right? When we leave here, we can do what we've always wanted to do, like reunite you with your sister and meet Tohru Honda. Also, BTW, you have not stolen Mikan-chan's heart away from me! I still have a chance with her!" _

**Mikan: Ewww, they're fighting over me!**

**Hotaru: One million RukaMikan fangirls at this moment. Than the NatsuMikan fangirls came back from the dead and died again. **

_"Oh, Koko!" cried Kitsuneme, falling into Koko's arms, "Why do people always think of me as just a clone of you? I'm more than that! For one, I have a different alice and my eyes are always shut! And my hair has a side part while yours has a centre part! Even though those are the only differences between us, people never recognize me for the unique induvidual I am. "_

**Mikan: That actually is sort of true. **

**Hotaru: Stop praising this author!**

_(A/N: Last month this fic got readers from The United states, The Phillipines, Canada, Germany, Indonesia, Finland, Qatar, Austrailia, Estonia, Singapore, Bangeladesh, Malaysia, Japan, Hong Kong, Jamaica, India, Norway, Portugal and Uganda. I hope I can get reviews from all those places, too!)_

**Mikan: The author misspelled "Bangladesh". **

**Hotaru: Not like you can spell it, either. **

_Mikan and Hotaru (yes, their names are always written in that order)_

_**Mikan: That's surprisingly true in this fanfic.**_

_**Hotaru: Yes, we just spoke in that order.**_

_"Ohayo, me a llama so you actually kawaii octopus, desu!" she shouted, "Hiihiiihiihiiihiiihiiihiii! Muons are pokemon, yo!"_

**Mikan: Also, it was afternoon when this scene happened. "Ohayo" means "Good morning".**

**Hotaru: A muon is actually a type of lepton, which is a type of subatomic particle. **

_Mikan and Hotaru walked away from Female!Naru as much as possible, both of them knowing, without even having to ask, that Naru was hit with the Gender Bender Ray and the MoeMoe ray._

**Hotaru: It makes more sense that Naru is a girl, actually.**

**Mikan: But he shouln't be a **_**Moe**_** girl! That's scary!**

_"The Plot Device causes things to happen at points which it 'thinks' the plot of a story will 'benefit' the most from it, Mikan-chan." said Hotaru, who now only served as exposition, _

**Hotaru: That's not true! **

_While Mikan and Hotaru were having a fight about whether Citzen Kane counts as Pop Culture, Mr. Bear strutted onto the scene, where he expectedly got hit with a Horrible Fanfiction Ray._

_A murderous expression slowly crept onto his fuzzy face, and he lifted up his axe as if he was ready to kill._

_"MR. BEAR HAS BEEN IT BY THE PSYCHO SERIAL KILLER RAY!" screamed Mikan, and she and Hotaru ran out of the woulds as fast as the could._

_Mr. Bear sat down on a tree stump, took out a box of lucky charms, opened it, then poured all the cereal into his mouth as fast as he could._

**Hotaru: It was actually the incredibly lame pun ray.**

**Mikan: See, your only purpose in the story IS to serve as exposition. **

_Hotaru facepalmed._

**Hotaru: (facepalms) How many times do I facepalm in this story?**

**Mikan: Well since you just did one now that adds up too... **

**Hotaru: How many times to I have to explain sarcasm to you?**

**Mikan: Twenty-three.**

_Mikan and Hotaru, who were arguing so loudly, didn't hear him. They didn't hear him when he got hit by the Meme Ray. They didn't hear him when he shouted "THIS! IS! FUKUTAN!" And they didn't hear him when he ran off and started singing that famous Rick Astley song called "Never Gonna Give You Up". _

**Mikan: The author forgot about Lolcats! And The Caramelldansen! And Charlie The Unicorn! And Philosoraptor! And Bert Is Evil! And The Annoying Orange! And...**

**Hotaru: And this fanfic! Maybe.**

Let's go back to Pengy and (Dr.) (Dr.) Persona(schmirtz)(schmirtz), since Mikan and Hotaru already had enough screen time.

**Mikan and Hotaru: Hey!**

Pengy had miraculously come back to life, was wearing his awesome fedora had

**Mikan: Yay!**

and was tied up by (Dr.) Persona(schmirtz).

**Mikan: Aw, come on. **

(Dr.) Persona(schmirtz) yelled "Mwa ha ha ha!"

**Hotaru: Again?**

"I will now unveil my new invention! The Plot Device destroyinator!" which was a funny looking machine with some buttons and levers and stuff on it.

Mikan: For once no purple prose.

So (Dr.) Persona(schmirtz) pressed the button on it, and a ray shot out of it and destroyed the Plot Device.

**Hotaru: Why are we still stuck MSTing...**

Hotaru and Mikan suddenly stopped MSTing/Sporking this fanfic. It seemed that all the effects of The Plot Device had been reversed.

"What a lame deus ex machina!" screamed Hotaru angrily.

"I know!" agreed Mikan "We didn't even get to save the day!"

The two of them pondered their adventure briefly, than Mikan asked,

"So, Hotaru-chan? Why did the effects of The Plot Device reverse themselves?"

"Well," answered Hotaru, "It is a Plot Device, after all, so reversing the effect of the rays in the name of the plot was sort of its last sacrifical act. "

"How splendid!" said Mikan.

Then, the two friends walked into the sunset, despite the fact they were indoors.

**The End... or is it?**

_(A/N: I'll probably write an epilogue, don't worry! Now this is offically my longest chapter! Well, maybe it doesn't count since most of the text was reused from other chapters. Also, once again, as obnoxious as this may be, please review!)_


	11. The Epilogue I mean EPIClogue

**Don't Press The Button On The Plot Device!**

**Epilogue: The Epilogue... I mean... EPIC-logue**

Since everything was returned to as normal as it could ever be after The Plot Device Fiasco, the only thing left is the **EPIC**-logue, since it isn't just a normal epilogue.

Anyhow, for a long time, Mikan wondered how that one saturday afternoon with The Plot Device Incident could feel like three months, one week and six days. When she started dating Natsume in high school, she asked him:

"Do you know how one saturday afternoon feel like three months, one week and six days?"

He broke up with her immediately afterwards because of her stupidity, much to the chagrin of some seven-digit-number of NatsuMikan fangirls. Said event caused the extinction of many NatsuMikan fangirls worldwide.

Ruka stopped reading _Fruits Basket_, not because he wanted too, but because he was pressured by his peers to conform to the supposed gender norms of our society. He eventually married Hotaru, against her will and his, so that the author wouldn't accidentally cause the extinction of RukaHotaru fangirls. Unfortunately, little did the author know that 99% of RukaHotaru fangirls were the NatsuMikan fangirls she made extinct.

Hotaru and Ruka eventually divorced, to the chagrin of many RukaHotaru fangirls, but to the pleasure of Hayate Matsudaira. Obviously, or maybe not so obviously, Hotaru became famous for inventing a robot that can gather evidence about anyone and blackmail them. She is currently planning to find a way to use it on the author of this fanfic.

Yuu Tobita stopped planning to sue the X-men, after he realized that he had more important things to do with his life, like collect bobbleheads. He eventually married Nonoko, who, believe it or not, was actually a bit yandere when it came to him.

Nonoko works for various fast food chains, like MacDonalds, KFC, and Burger King, creating the arguably toxic chemicals that you find in your fried chicken.

Persona legally changed his name to Dr. Personaschmirtz. He currently lives in Kiribati, and is hiding from Dr. Doofenschmirtz's lawyers.

Penguin died again to make this fic a bit more "canon".

The Dangerous Abilities Class (sans Natsume), after getting cured from the Plot Device rays, they formed a band. It's called "The Dangerous Abilities Class (sans Natsume)", with Rui on banjo, Hajime on electric bass, Youichi on drums, Hayate on sousaphone (that's how he makes use of his wind alice) and Nobara as lead vocals. Their first hit was "_Baa Baa Black Sheep_".

After one day of being a magical girl, Sumire decided that she'd rather lead a normal life. So, she opened up a hair salon ... for cats.

Koko is busy trying to sue Hotaru, because her blackmailing robot renders his mind-reading abilities obsolete. Kitsuneme is trying to sue the Wright Brothers, but unfortunately, has yet to find a lawyer that can speak to the dead.

Mochu, tried to tell Jinno-sensei about Mikan and Hotaru's troublemaking (in a manner similar to Candace from _Phineas and Ferb_). Since this was after The Plot Device was destroyed by The Plot Device Destroyinator, Jinno spazzed at Mochu for wasting his good time (which could've been spent watching reruns of _Seinfeld_) and zapped him fifteen times with lightning, beating the world record of seven.

Anna became renowned chef, famous for creating dishes that people would have to eat on show like Fear Factor. Her fame is only rivalled by that of Chef Hatchet on _Total Drama Island_.

Mr. Bear went on to have famous horror film roles, such as _Night Of The Living Teddy Bear_ and _The Bear Witch Project. _Kaname became his agent, but after some shady dealings, changed his name to Rozen and created seven living dolls who now are fighting the Alice Game.

Piyo was put in the Genetically Mutated Animal Hall of Fame (in Squirrelfish, Nunavut), after beating the Big Red Chicken from _Dora the Explorer _in a rock-paper-scissors match, even though neither of them have fingers.

As for the author, she still had places to go, things to do and more fanfiction to write. And all her readers lived happily ever after.

That's all for now folks!

**The End**

*Unless this story suffers from immense sequelitis.

_(A/N: (Un)fortunately, there will not be a sequel. In no way did I intend to offend many NatsuMikan fangirls that are out there. I know a made many Phineas and Ferb allusions, but I'm actually not a fan of that show. It just somehow made its way into this fic. Anyways, thanks for reading this fic! I really appreciated all your reviews!)_


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